While I was laying flat on the sofa, hit by a cold. I was watching a man in a tv show standing an crying, holding on to someone because he lost his grandma, the only thought that hit me was: If it was me I would fall to ground and cry until there was no more tears. Then the truth hit me, that was not what I did... I had already been there and what I did was: crying without sound, I could not see and I could not breath, my mom had to tell me that I need to breath. I should have been the one to tell her that or hold her, in some small way try and make her feel better... Instead I was the one breaking down, and I still haven't found a way to fix what broke. I broke and some day I will have healed. I went to vist you shortly after your name was put below his. It doesn't feel like your place. For so long I went to vist him there, then I would tell you about it, about the flowers or how we cleaned the stone, how someone had left a candle. I would show you pictures, when you c...
8 weeks, 3 days, at this exact time. That was the last time I spoke with you, an actual conversation. All that I said the day after, was one sided, you weren’t able to talk back. I miss your voice. I miss you, it's getting harder and harder to actually believe it's real. I keep waiting for everything to be over and you'll return, that everthing will go back to normal. Losing you, doesn't make sense. Logically I know what happened and how all that went down, was not a bad dream, but everyday I wait for you to be back. For my life to be back. I will always need you. How can you not see that I wasn't ready for this? And yes it makes me f*cking selfish! But I will be a stubborn b*tch if that means you'll come back to me, just long enough for me to at least tell you everything that didn't escape my lips. So many thoughts ran trough my head, so many things you needed to know, I needed to say. I just didn't know h...